


Roll to Seduce

by valdomarx (cptxrogers)



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Flirting, Jaskier tries, M/M, but the results are not pretty, terrible flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23122702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptxrogers/pseuds/valdomarx
Summary: Jaskier thinks he is good at flirting. He is not.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 12
Kudos: 365





	Roll to Seduce

**Author's Note:**

> Jaskier as a D&D bard: roll to seduce  
> Jaskier: 1 1 1 1 1

“You don’t want to keep a man with… bread in his pants waiting.”

Geralt blinks. It is, by far, the single worst pickup line he has ever heard.

* * *

“What are you fishing for, exactly? Is it cod? Carp? Pike? Bream? I’m just listing fish that I know.”

Jaskier looks so pleased with himself and his fish list. Geralt can only imagine this is his attempt at charm.

He breathes deeply and wonders, not for the first time, which gods he has offended to be cursed with the company of the most talkative and least suave bard on the continent.

* * *

“I’ve got this, Geralt.” Jaskier confidently strides ahead.

They’re trying to infiltrate a local castle, and Jaskier has his eye on the bored-looking guard at the gate.

“So…”

Jaskier attempts to lean casually on the wall by the guard, but misses and slips a few inches. He recovers quickly. “Come here often?”

The guard stares at him dumbly. “To my job? Uh. Yes.”

Geralt pushes Jaskier aside and knocks the guard out with a single well-placed punch to the jaw.

* * *

They’re looking for information about a drowner, and they’ve heard its latest victim was a working girl from this brothel. Jaskier announces he is in his element here, and that his soft touch with the fairer sex will undoubtedly be an invaluable asset.

“Are you the proprietress of this establishment?” he asks the woman behind the counter. “Because ma _damn_.”

The woman looks over his shoulder to Geralt. “Is this idiot yours?” she asks.

Geralt sighs. He is, he supposes.

She nods, not unsympathetically.

* * *

“Guess it’s true that witchers have magic,” Jaskier croons, crawling into Geralt‘s lap by the fire, “because you‘ve put a spell on me.”

Geralt pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “It’s just as well I love you,” he says, not able to keep the fond note from his voice.

“How could you not?” Jaskier grins. He indicates himself with a wave of the hand. “ _All of this_ , and my natural magnetic charisma? No man can resist.”

Geralt thinks that’s not entirely correct, but he can’t very well object. After all, Jaskier’s flirting has undeniably worked on him.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](https://valdomarx.tumblr.com/post/611865187403841536/jaskier-is-good-at-flirting-or-jaskier-thinks-he) on tumblr.


End file.
